We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
