Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize