I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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