Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
