why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize