I love black thongs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My cat gives me a boner
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
