i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize