Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
