Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
