That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
