Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
