I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
