So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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