so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
