she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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