so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
