please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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