he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
