so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
