How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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