The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
