just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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