You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
