Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize