If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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