I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
