Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
