then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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