i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
