It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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