I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
