I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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