Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
