the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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