Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
two words...techno handjob
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
