What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
