problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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