Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
