My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
