Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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