Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
