She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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