In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
