We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
