I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
