My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
