It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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