she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
