can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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