I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
