Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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