Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize