so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
