just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
