I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
