so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
