i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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