A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
