either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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