dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
