just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
