He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
