We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
