She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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