I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
