I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
