And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
