whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
