I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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