ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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