Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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