Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
