Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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