HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
