Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
