my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
