Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
me + whiskey = a bad person
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
