fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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