I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize