Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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