You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize