I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize